Aaron’s 4-Step Guide to Increase Website Traffic

Hello! Welcome to the 903 Creative blog. Today, I’ll be outlining a foolproof method of driving visitors to your website. In addition to laying out the steps, I’ll also be including questions that I anticipate you’ll have a long the way. So let’s get started!

Step 1. Find Coattails to Ride.

You can spend your life developing skills or looks that will propel you into stardom . . . OR you can piggyback on somebody else’s lifetime of hard work. The choice is simple. What you’ll need to do is find a celebrity that you resemble.

But Aaron, what if I don’t even remotely look like even the most obscure C-List celebrity?

No worries! Try one, or any combination, of the following tricks to help you find the celebrity look-alike look that’s right for you:

• Cut your hair
• Grow your hair (worked for me)
• Gain weight
• Lose weight
• Wear glasses or bandannas to conceal your face (worked for me)
• Photoshop
• Plastic Surgery

Is it possible that the celebrity I choose is not popular enough?

It is possible, so consider your choice carefully. Here’s an example of a BAD celebrity choice:

This is yours truly standing next to a drink machine featuring NASCAR driver Elliot Sadler taken in 2004. While Elliot was doing some of his finest driving at the time, the best I could hope for was a little local attention since he’s from Emporia which somewhat neighbors my hometown of Lawrenceville, VA. But overall, this is a poor choice. Please choose wisely.

Step 2. Proclaim Your New Doppelganger Status

Now that you’ve homed in on the shooting star that will propel you to increased web hits, it’s time to tell the world. Write some interesting article or blog post. Create some interesting piece of art. Take one of their famous works and re-master it Yankovic-style. Just do something that screams, “Hey, I totally look like this famous person!”

Is it OK if I have a little fun with this step? I’ve got this great idea that involves Mighty Putty and—–Wow, I really don’t care.

Step 3. Promote the Crap Out of It.

Now that you’ve made the statement, the world needs to know. Go nuts. Facebook about it. Tweet about it. Bleeble and Blabble about it. Drop leaflets in the streets. Wear a sandwich board. Heck, get on YouTube and cry about it if you want. Ever heard a little saying that goes “There’s no such that as bad publicity”? Well, turn your brain off, assume that’s true and go shout from the mountaintops.

Seriously, have you heard of Mighty Putty. It’s got green-to-white technolo—–Shut it.

Step 4. Watch the Hits Roll In

If you’ve successfully executed steps 1-3, word will spread and folks will be drawn to your site like (insert clever metaphor here). This, again, is where picking the right celebrity will pay off. The ideal candidate is either really well liked, or vehemently hated. The more polarized, the better. This means they have people that follow them for one reason or another, and your little doppelganger revelation becomes headline news in the small little bubble of a world in which these fans live.

Do you have an example of the kind of results we can expect?

I sure do. Check out the analytics for my blog after this post went live:

Amazing! Can I expect my celebrity’s crazed fans to also find my other online profiles and increase traffic or views there as well?

As a matter of fact you can. If you’re lucky, complete strangers who know nothing about you (hence the ‘stranger’ classification) will call you ‘evil’ and try to notify your selected celebrity of the ‘lurking’ you’re doing. But on the plus side, your Flickr stats will go up as well (even though it was in no way related to your original doppelganger proclamation) :

So there you have it, Aaron’s 4-Step Fail Proof Guide to Increase Website Traffic. Follow this process and you’ll be selling ad-space on your site in no time.

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The last several days have been fun with the whole Josh Groban thing and then getting locked out of my house, but I think I’m going to re-focus the posts on design and 903-related stuff. Thanks as always for visiting and reading. Hope you’ve enjoyed it.

I have nothing against Josh Groban, Elliott Sadler, or their fans. I’m just having some fun, but hopefully you know that.